Joy versus Happiness

You know the saying, “What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger,” right? It’s one of those pieces of wisdom that sticks to a refrigerator magnet for years before you actually understand it from a gut level and make it your own. My mother-in-law has a plague on her kitchen wall that reads: “Grandchildren are God’s gift for not killing your own children”. I look forward to benefiting from that nugget of wisdom too someday.
Taking pride in mistakes and failures is not something that comes naturally in our culture. In fact, it’s almost impossible unless you intentionally seek it’s wisdom. In some cultures, battle scars are seen as a badge of honor and character builders. Here, however, it’s more about success and perfection, finding that ultimate high without actually doing any of the work.
Sometimes, I wonder, if we aren’t confused between “joy” and “happiness”? Joy being something I participate in actively rather than an illusion I think about? Joy, something that resonates throughout my body versus some utopia that only resides in my imagination? Joy, not a fleeting thought or goal but something I lean into, giving my life meaning, authenticity and overall effectiveness?
To me, this is the difference and for me this difference became blatantly apparent the other night when my teenagers were late to a social event. Actually, I got them there on time but the line from the door was so long that my kids were asked to leave. I guess a lot of teens were out looking for a good time that night and only a select few were going to get a chance to experience it. And so the drama ensued.
Heads down, lips a quiver, my girls slogged back to the car in a deeply entrenched funk. The kind of funk that ingrains itself into the very cells of a hormonal teenager and makes the car ride home from the overflow parking lot a living hell! No where to be, no where to run, I suddenly realized that this might be a character building moment. A moment in time that only comes around once in awhile, well maybe more than once in awhile but certainly a moment that got my attention, yes, a real teachable moment! Indeed it was a teachable moment, yet, for some reason, I couldn’t figure out what the lesson might be.
The mood in the car was so heavy, I felt the wheels grinding and dragging beneath us, and still, nothing was coming to me. And then it hit me! Pain! Yes, my kids were feeling something foreign and even alien-like but I truly believe that what they were feeling was actual pain! As soon as I realized what was I happening I went on full alert. I would not let this opportunity escape, no way, I was on a mission and there was no way I was going to allow them to avoid it, deny it, rationalize it or simply jump to the next form of entertainment.
First thing I did was get myself out of the way, and fast! I was not going to sugar coat things or figure out a way to make them feel better, I was just going to allow them the space and time to feel miserable. It was wonderful! One got mouthy and tried to blame the ruined evening on me and my slow driving but I wouldn’t allow it. Consequences dear, “no allowance this week!”
Next, the other one tried to escape the pain and pick a fight with her sister, again, no go, “both of you to your rooms, no electronics,” I was on a roll! Finally after an hour or so of creative maneuvering, my girls gave up. They were done. It just wasn’t worth it to them anymore. They were spent.
The pain had subsided and they had made it through. Surprisingly, not damaged but hopefully deepened, my girls had prevailed through the rocky terrain of pain. I was proud of them. I was proud of me. Most of all, I was grateful for their experience.
Later that night, I heard them laughing with each other over nothing in particular, it was really quite amazing. Was it joy or happiness, I’m not sure? Whatever it was, it sounded hearty and full of life and certainly welcome at our house anytime!

The Chiropractic Face of God

    I first went to see Dr. P. because I had a pain in my leg, now I go to him because he helps me pay attention to what my body says and needs.  Let me explain. 
    My initial chiropractic evaluation was a bit unsettling with all that cracking, especially around the neck.  For some people, the neck cracking alone would be enough to make them run for the exit, but for me, the most unsettling part was Dr. P.’s comments about birth trauma and emotional blockages in my first chakra.   I guess, “unsettling” is not exactly the right word, it had more to do with “affirming” that which I somehow already knew.  I found it remarkable that Dr. P. was able to interpret my body’s voice without me ever saying a word.  I found this extraordinary on so many levels because my body and I haven’t had much of a connection for a very long time and this guy was going to facilitate the discussion. In retrospect,  Dr. P. was re-introducing me to an old friend which was more than enough to keep me coming back.
    At one point during the first visit, Dr. P. asked me about my “willingness” to heal.  After a minute or two, I realized this wasn’t the best of news because he said it in a way that made me think we had a long road ahead.  At the same time, however, I also realized that if anyone was willing, it was me!  I had been on a spiritual quest since I turned twenty and now at 43, it was definitely time to consolidate all that I’ve learned by grounding myself within this body of mine.  With this in mind, I answered with an emphatic, “Hell yes!”
    After more than a year with Dr. P., I’ve come to appreciate the wealth of wisdom stored within my body.  The way it moves, stirs and remembers everything I’ve ever been through without making a sound.  Dr. P., understands this quiet rhythm and reveres to it’s power and strength.  He listens and chooses his words wisely.  In fact, he mostly asks questions while listening to the body’s responses.  Sometimes, getting ahead of myself, I jump to conclusions or ask for advice, but Dr. P. never seems to dishonor his place within the context of the body and only replies to that which I am fully ready to hear.  Extremely gentle, never without the body’s permission, Dr. P. continues to facilitate my overall healing and well being.
    I find this to be in tandem with my own experiences of God.  Gentle, mindful and unobtrusive, God respects my willingness to heal and approaches it with loving kindness.  Even if I jump ahead, which I tend to do on a regular basis, God continues to hold me close and allows me plenty of time to catch my breath.  Not unlike, Dr. P., who whispers “I gotcha” before cracking the next vertebrae or muscle checking for herbal supplements.  I find, it’s all about the flow and moving gracefully through it.  What a gracious and amazing way to heal!