What is Is-ness?

Image via WikipediaWhat is isness?  Some may call it being in the moment.  Others may say it’s about  presence or paying attention.  And some may even see it as grace.  Whatever your take on it,  isness seems to resonate with a group of twenty-something year olds I know.   

How we came to this term and it’s meaning was an interesting journey in itself.  Apparently, the term is used in the book: The Zen and Art of Motorcycle Maintenance.   After starting this spiritual direction group for twenty-something year olds, I thought we should come up with a term for a higher power that resonated for us all.  This term did not come from our heads but only after some internal mining did we discover that our hearts were aligning with it.  It was an awesome discovery, really, because we all knew that we didn’t choose isness but rather it chose us.

Why isness?   I don’t know, but then again, a lot of things aren’t making much sense these days.  A creative shift seems to happening in our world today.  A renaissance of sorts.  Old structures are coming down and new ones are in flux. What these new structures will look like or how they will formulate is still a mystery yet the twenty-something, social networking generation seems to be leading the way.  Some say, they lack structure completely but I disagree.  I think they have a structure but it’s much more subtle and internalized. 

So what is going to happen when all these huge, institutional, mid-evil-like structures come down around us as we shift into a new era?  I’m not sure but I am confidant that this twenty-something generation have a lot to teach us.  They are more about balance.  They choose “to have a life” over just working until they die.  They seem to choose experience over just about everything else.  Don’t tell them what to do because they need to experience it for themselves first.  Don’t tell them they have to stick with a meaningless 9-5 job because they really don’t see the point. 

So what is isness as it pertains to the world today?  I guess it’s up to each one of us to decide.  Whatever it is, however, it’s safe to say that if you ask a twenty-something year old about it, he/she will know exactly what you mean but will allow you the space to figure it out for yourself.

If you are twenty-something and have some wisdom to share, please comment below!

What the World Needs Now is More Bieber Fever!

Image via WikipediaI am the first to complain about television programming for teens.  I can barely stand it!   Shows where the parents and teachers are depicted as complete morons or where the parents don’t even exist yet somehow the kids live in a downtown loft and wear designer clothes is so beyond reality that I begin to wonder if my kids will ever want to work.  And why should they?  Everything they see in the media today is about slacking off, doing nothing yet living off the manna that somehow magically sustains their “have it all” life style.

So, how my daughter talked me into watching the Justin Bieber movie Never Say Never with her, I’ll never know.  I suppose being asked to do anything with my fourteen year old daughter is an opportunity I didn’t want to miss, besides I was curious about all the hype surrounding this child star.  I assumed he was just another Disney formulated star but boy was I wrong!

First of all, the kid isn’t even American, he’s Canadian.  Second, he comes from nothing and actually has talent.  Yes, it’s true!  The movie brought me to tears on several occasions as his single, teen-aged mom and supportive grand parents just shrug their shoulders in disbelief as this child continues to rise to super stardom via his own will and hard work.  It was obvious that they never pushed or dangled him in front of anyone, just stood by him as he made his own way.  I admit, the kid is contagious!   It’s hard not to want him to succeed because all he wants to do is sing and perform and bring joy to his fans.

Not only that, but the movie shows him on tour where he actually damages his vocal chords and has to sit out a few concerts which pains him because he hates to let down his fans.  Who is this kid, and why don’t we have politicians like this who give it their all just for the joy of it?  In fact, some people from Justin’s crew are shown walking through neighborhoods giving away front row tickets to hysterical teenaged girls.  The tour manager even comments that this is his favorite part of the job!   What is going on here?  Is this some kind of “feel good” movement?  Perhap?

Well, whatever it is, I’m all for it!   The cynical side of me believes that it will take a whole lot of Justin Bieber’s to make a difference in our world today but at the rate this kid is going, all he has to do is keep doing what he loves and the rest will follow.  A child who came from nothing, doing what he loves and changing the social landscape of a world that has forgotten for the moment that joy begets joy?   Sounds like a familiar story and not one to be underestimated so if you get a chance to watch Never Say Never with your kids, do it!   Who knows, if enough of us see it, we might become part of the fever too!

There’s a creative change in the air.  Some call it The Shift others see it as a renaissance.  How do you see it?  And what are you doing to support and encourage it in yourself, others and the world around you?  Please share.

A Good Kind of Tired

Image via WikipediaThis past weekend, my family and I had the pleasure of what Minnesotan’s lovingly call, “going up north!” Essentially, it means communing with nature either on the north shore of Lake Superior or in the North woods/Lakes area.   It is also understood that what you experience up there is a profound secret only relevant to those who truly “get it!” 

Like most things Minnesotan, the northern part of the state is home to many BIG things.  Lake Superior is astoundingly dark, wide and deep while the trees surrounding the area tower over you everywhere you look.  Instantly becoming very small and insignificant, it’s not unusual to feel like you’ve been gone a week when in fact, you only went up for the weekend.

There is also a tendency to sleep really well when traveling up yonder.  You not only sleep a good long time but deeply which is saying a lot when slumbering on cabin mattresses!  I guess, it has something to do with how small I feel when enveloped in such majestic surroundings.  I tend to become unobtrusive in a way that makes me grateful and relieved all at the same time.  Grateful that there is so much beauty around me and relieved that I have no power to do anything about it except admire it.

It is truly a gift to be surrounded with so much significance and to realize that so much is possible whether I’m in control of it or not.  I guess that is why I sleep so well when northern bound.  A peacefulness that a child might feel while all the big people take care of it.  Such a cathartic release of stress that makes it possible for me to just rest and relax while this great big world goes on and on for miles and miles around me.  A good kind of tired, the kind that invites me into a deep slumber only to awaken to the same beautiful surroundings that were there before my arrival and will surely continue to be there long after my departure.

How about you?  Is there something in your life right now that begs surrender?  Perhaps circumstances beyond your control?  What would happen if you simply let it go?

My Dog, My Rock and Even My Clock!

I’m not big on schedules and structures, though I would like to be.  I admire those who create their own schedules and stick to them as well as those who accept institutional structures that tell them where to be, what to do, when to show up and how long to stay.  I, on the other hand, am one of those people who is often held hostage by my artistic temperament.  In fact, I can quickly become resentful of any person or institution that tells me what to do or when to do it. 
    Now most households are reflective of those who inhabit them so how my dog became so schedule obsessed is beyond me!  Creature of habit?  No way!   If our dog were human, he’d be OCD.  Not only does he not eat after 7:00 p.m. but will go directly to his kennel the minute he hears my blow dryer go off in the morning.  It doesn’t matter if I’m staying home or going out, once he hears that whistle of hot air blowing, he’s in the kennel for the rest of the day whether I close his door or not.  The same with movies.  Once those credits start rolling, off he goes, it’s time for bed.
   How he got this way, I’m not sure?  I suspect that he is in a time warp and trying to reconcile that my husband never actually chose him in the first place.  It’s true!   My kids and I put him on hold at the Humane Society on Christmas Eve Day, 2002 because we had nothing better to do.  To our surprise, lots of dogs were available that day.  Apparently we weren’t privy to what the rest of the world knows about staying away from the pound on holidays that encourage loneliness and gift-giving!   Bad combination for a family still mourning their last pet.
    Upon putting our dog on hold, I at least had enough sense to call my husband and ask him to stop by on his way home from Christmas shopping to give him a look see.  Thinking he was home free after two years of being pet free, my husband begrudgingly went to see this dog to find out what all the fuss was about.  To my surprise, he called me from his cell phone excited and thrilled to be playing with such an agile and receptive companion. “Yes!” he shouted.  “This is a great dog!”
    Ten minutes later, an apologetic volunteer called to tell me that the dog my husband was shown was not actually the dog I had put on hold but a different dog, a dog that was no longer available for adoption.  And so, I broke the news to my husband and that was that.  The dog my kids and I fell in love with that morning was the dog that was coming home with us and the dog my husband fell in love with is the dog that was going home with someone else.
    I’m not sure, but I think our dog instinctually knows that he wasn’t necessarily our family’s first choice and tries to make up for it by staying overly obedient to a self-imposed restrictive schedule.  What he may not know, however, is that he provides the stability that every family needs.  You can set the clock by him.  Like the changing of the seasons or trusting the mail carrier will deliver six days a week, rain or shine, our dog is nothing if not dependable.  Plus, my kids always know exactly where to find him at any given time and that alone is trust incarnate.  I only wish our dog truly understood what a gift he has been to a family who is and may always be structure-impaired.
    How about you?  What in your life can you trust or count on?  What does that mean to you?
   

Being on the Road Again

This past week, I found myself on the road again.  My family and I took  an emergency road trip to my husband’s home town. Though, not a pleasant reason to travel, I suddenly remembered how much I like the actual process of traveling.

When I was a kid, we traveled a lot.  My parents being from the Czech Republic, we went to Europe often.  We also moved a bunch, four new houses in three different states by the time I was ten! 

Though, hectic at times, I learned to enjoy the process of going from one place to another.  I wasn’t always thrilled about the destinations but I sure did like getting there.  The plane trips  were filled with people watching, making camp in foreign airports and being immersed in different cultures, languages and smells.

Moving from one state to the next, I became an expert real estate agent at a very young age.  My parents would share the real estate pages with me, some general pricing guidelines and off I would go, circling homes and starring the ones I really wanted to see.

All this travel brought an education all its own but nothing compares to the meditative state I have come to appreciate during a road trip.  As a kid, traveling west in the backseat of the family truckster was not that enjoyable but once I got old enough to drive, everything changed!

As a teen-ager, it was all about the radio.  Listening to tunes and heading somewhere, anywhere, back and forth from college with a car load of friends, just the ticket!   As I got older, my husband and I would travel to see each other and then eventually settle down together in a brand new state, unknown to either one of us.

Most recently, I find, I like nothing more than the open road, me behind the wheel and utter silence.  It allows  me the time to catch up with myself.  Everything I haven’t had time to think about or process just waiting in the wings ready to unfold.  It’s a kind of unraveling of ideas, thoughts and impressions.  Nothing too heavy, just me and myself having a chat of sorts. 

One thing, however, has remained constant in all the years I’ve been on the road.  I never forget to be grateful for the home I have at the moment.  This particular home I’ve had for almost 20 years but it makes no difference because if I’ve learned nothing else, I’ve learned that a home is not a place or destination but a sense of being.

How about you?  Where or when do you feel most at home, connected or grateful?  Is there a connection between your outside and inside home?   How so?

More Freedom for the Material Girl

Image via WikipediaIt’s become more and more apparent to me that I’m a child of the 80's.  I may have been born in the late 60's but my high school and college years spanned the full spectrum, 1981-1989.  Not only do I remember the Reagan years as the “all about me” years but I can hear just about any 80's tune and know precisely where I was and who I was hanging out with at the time of it’s release.

Now, I don’t think this makes me a pop junkie necessarily but it does tell me about who I was then and who I am becoming now.  So much of the 80's was about image and I mean big time!  We had big hair, big boots, big earrings and big wallets full of money.  Not only did we waste a whole lot of time at the Mall, we worked there too!  

It really was “all about us” but then again, who were we really?  My favorite song of all times and one that puts the 80's into perspective for me is the single “Freedom  ‘90  by George Michael.  Getting his star status in the band “Wham ”, he seems to magnify all that was good and not so good about the 80's.   He, along with the rest of us, were big and loud and lots of fun!   We had to be, it was the 80's for God’s sake!

What this song did for me and perhaps for him as well was help me come down a notch.  Dressing me down from the larger than life appeal of the 80's to a much more real and vulnerable me of the 90's and beyond.  We, and by that I mean Michael and I, seemed to be transitioning at the same time and like many songs in my life “Freedom  ‘90  became more of a symbol rather than a song.

Heaven knows I was just a young boy, didn’t know what I wanted to be
I was every little hungry schoolgirl’s pride and joy and I guess it was enough for me
To win the race?  A prettier face  Brand new clothes and a big fat place
on your rock and roll TV.  But today the way I play the game is not the same no way
Think I’m gonna get myself happy

And so it goes, a swan song for Michael in many ways (he never released another hit single after that song) and for me, the beginning of a long journey to finding me.

I think there’s something you should know, I think it’s time I stopped the show
There’s something deep inside of me, there’s someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame, don’t think that I’ll be back again
I just hope you understand, sometimes the clothes do not make the man

Yes, the 80's exemplified all the facades that one creates in order to fit in and cope with all the demands of growing up and boy did the 80's demand the biggest of egos!   It was all about success and the bigger the better, as I remember.  What happened after that, I don’t really remember.  All I know is that the bigness of things began to shrink and the normalcy of life began to change and I found myself finding more and more freedom along the way. 

Losing the bling has been life-giving and not so easy when you’re a material girl from the 80's!   Why some choose to do it and others don’t is a mystery in itself.  I guess, it’s not as easy as it sounds and what I’ve read about Michael’s life lately, it isn’t something to take lightly either.  Even so, Michael seemed to have the best intentions at the time: “All we have to do now, is take these lies and make them true somehow.”
How about you?  What kind of bling do you still carry around?  What untruths might you still be holding dear?  Do your clothes still make you who you really are or is it time to get yourself happy?

Do it Anyway!

There’s a strange saying going around my house.  Perhaps you may have heard it too?  It sounds a bit whiny and even nasal at times.  It's often followed by a gasp, annoyed intonation or a rolling of the eyes.  Yes, you guessed it, it sounds like this:  “But I don’t feel like it! ” 

This exacerbated adolescent response to just about anything from picking up socks, feeding the dog, taking out the garbage or doing homework seems to be a staple for today’s teenager.  Similar to the “terrible two’s” when every request is followed by an accentuated “No! ” yet strangely unattractive coming from an over-sized child.  Not sure how this happened, but very sure that “not feeling like it” is an epidemic amongst kids this age who, for one reason or another, want “to feel” rather than “do!” 

My friend, whose ancestors come from Ghana and who was raised in England, is quite baffled by the typical American teenager.  This high emotional intelligence seems to trump all other things, especially anything requiring the least bit of effort.  Why these same kids who are quick to diagnose fellow students with “anger issues” or “ADD/ADHD” or “depression” but can’t get a simple task done without “feeling like it” first, is a mystery to me!

Don’t get me wrong, emotional intelligence is important, and has certainly come a long way since I was a teenager, but then again, I had a job in high school!  In fact, my friend and I had a monopoly on babysitting jobs in our neighborhood and were busy every Saturday night from the age of 12 whether we liked it or not!

I wonder if the pendulum swing has swung a bit too far and allowed emotions to override that which quite simply, just needs to be done.  Maybe I’m giving my kids too much room to emote and not enough room to just do?  Or maybe, I just need to continue saying that which comes naturally these days: “You don’t always have to feel like it, sometimes you just need to do it!” 

I use this quite a bit with my high school students and now that we are coming to the end of the year, I’m making some headway.  One of my students just couldn’t wrap his head around the fact that he had to fill out a “stupid form” for me in order to get a grade.  For some reason, he thought that if he “didn’t feel like it,” he didn’t have to do it.  After eight months of repeating the same message that he didn’t actually have to feel like doing it in order to get it done, I made a connection!

Somehow, someway, the message got through that filling out a form wasn’t rocket science but simply an activity that allowed me to grade his work and in reality had very little to do with feelings at all.  Now, this extremely bright student is getting the “A” he deserves and I’m getting the satisfaction of seeing him master something other than his knowledge of how he might be “feeling” about something at any given time. 

Now, whether picking up his socks at home is still determined by his feelings, I don’t know, but at least he has the tools now to master that too whether he’s feeling like it or not!
How about you?  Do you ever keep yourself from doing something that needs to be done because you don’t feel inspired?  Maybe just do it and reward yourself later.  Maybe inspiration will follow?