Follow the Yin-Yang Energy and Hope for the Best!

Image via WikipediaMy daughter has had a love affair with ball sports since any of us can remember. She’s tried dance, gymnastics, skating, swimming and even fencing but nothing seems to compare to her desire to hit, pass, chase or kick that ball! She doesn't discriminate about the size of the ball either as long as she can interact with it in an all out aggressive way. This quiet, shy child of mine unleashes a beast-like energy whenever she competes for access to the ball at play.
Now, her identical twin sister, has little if any interest in ball sports. She’s just as athletic as her sister but doesn’t seem to share in that desire to interact with the ball at all costs. She enjoys soccer but less for the competition of it and more for the camaraderie of it. Most recently she’s discovered a profound love for dance. Her body seems to commune with this desire and blends into a graceful motion at will. This ability to flex and bend for no apparent reason irritates her sister to no end and on occasion causes a rift that has something to do with being a “girly, girl” and arguing that "dance isn’t a real sport anyway!" Of course, anyone who has seen a professional ballet performance can tell you that these dancers are in no way joking around. This is another point of contention, however, when my daughter comes home with bloody toes from a strenuous point class and yells, “See, don’t tell me dance isn’t a sport!” And so it goes.
Simply put, my daughters are different from one another yet very much the same. They share 99 percent DNA but their spiritual paths seem quite different. One has the demeanor of a cat and gets around to things in slow motion while the other one is like a puppy chomping at the bit to play, play, play! One has dimples and a collection of stuffed animals on her bed and the other one answers to parent chants from the sidelines of a basketball court: “Release the beast!”
What can I say, it hasn’t been easy raising the “yin-yang twins” but luckily their energy has blazed a fairly easy trail to follow. Afraid at times that they’ll lose their way, I try to bask in the understanding that God is ultimately in charge and loves them unconditionally. Easier said than done since one daughter was obsessed with vampires for awhile and now sees herself as a crime scene investigator. Guess which twin? She DVR’s anything with “crime”, “cops” or “CSI” in the title. Now luckily, I’m not terribly intimidated by her focus on the dark side of things because I’ve come to realize that she’s not really interested in joining dark forces but rather to eliminate them. At the core of her being, there seems to lie this genuine need to get at the “truth” of things. To her credit, she doesn’t seem the least bit afraid of the muckety muck that she will need to trudge through to get to it. I wish her well.
My other daughter, though not the least bit interested in getting dirty, seems to enjoy being with others. Whether playing in the school band, singing in the choir or dog-siting, she lives to connect! She’ll do anything, even clean her room, to get a chance to “hang out” with friends or organize a gathering. Easier to raise at times, I can’t help but worry that she’s “too nice” and will let others take advantage of her. I can only hope, I guess, that her sister will take her to a shooting range someday and teach her to shoot straight!
Whatever happens, I’ve learned a few things. I’ve learned that at their core they are about “truth” and “love” and my job is to get out of the way of that. And if I can follow their lead, I might even be helpful in keeping them on track. For me, this has been the hardest yet most rewarding part of being a parent. Knowing when to intervene and knowing when to stay away. I just hope I don’t get the two mixed up!

Facebook, Feedback and the Church

Learning about Facebook has been an interesting ride. I had so many preconceived notions and repulsions toward it, yet now I’m thinking it’s simply a reflection of what our world hungers for, to be engaged with others. Don’t get me wrong, I’m still not a big fan of reading about one of my “friends” eating a muffin for breakfast versus a bagel. And I certainly could care less if another friend is “off to do laundry” but underlying all this mundane jargon seems to lie a deeper truth. A simple gesture to engage with others in whatever way seems relevant at that precise moment.
Having teen-agers now, I find it harder and harder to find ways to spend time with them so if they want to talk about a bagel, I’ll take it! I wonder, however, if my engagement with them is not less but simply different now that they are finding their independence? Maybe my presence is good enough? Maybe just being around, not necessarily doing something with them or for them, is what they need most? Maybe I just need to listen?
I’m struck by what I recently read in a book about Facebook under a chapter subheading “Listening to Feedback”. The author alludes that Facebook was invented by a generation who wants to be engaged rather than talked at. Who doesn’t, right? But what’s interesting to me is that this whole Facebook revolution seems to be about something much deeper than whether my “friend” is bummed because she has to go out and shovel snow. Maybe she just wants to be heard and maybe even responded to? Not a literal response necessarily but a response that lets her know that she’s not alone in her dismay of shoveling snow but that others can relate to her situation. Isn’t that what we all need? Just a simple acknowledgment that what we feel, care about or think is worthy of attention and even possibly some feedback.
What would this be like if the church was more open to this kind of acknowledgment and feedback? Instead of sitting in front of some lectern Sunday after Sunday, being preached at about something that usually has much more to do with the pastor’s needs rather than what congregation members may actually need, what if pastors asked a question once in awhile or even better, asked for some kind of feedback? Asked the congregation to engage and respond to what God is actually doing in their lives? Wouldn’t that be a whole different story? Wouldn’t that just automatically encourage listening and responding? And wouldn’t that make a congregation feel heard and affirmed rather than talked at and around?
Maybe the mainline churches who are struggling and losing membership day after day could take a break from the three-point sermon and read a book about Facebook. It’s all laid out pretty plainly and it doesn’t take a divinity degree to decipher it’s meaning. The world seems to be evolving to a deeper place of connectedness and this younger generation is leading the way. They/we may not want to sit on the side lines and listen to “professionals” anymore but may want to engage in the conversations at hand, whatever those might be. And what better way to find out what conversations are going on all around us than to pose a question and ask.

Being for Others Versus Doing for Others

It was an average day at the high school where I work, yet something in me was restless. I was so tired of watching the seniors in my college preparatory class procrastinate around their college applications. This had been going on since September and it was time to do something about it! “It’s December for God’s sake!" was the mantra in my head. “Don’t they know it’s time to get moving!” Finally, I couldn’t take it anymore and grabbed a piece of paper and went on a “fixing” rampage:
“Kari, you want to study psychology, right?” I probed.
“Yes,” she nodded.
“Well, since you like big city schools and considering a master’s degree, here is the school you need to call. Ask about their counseling, psychology and marriage and therapy programs. I know the school well and believe it’s exactly what you’re looking for,” I said firmly. There, fixed, that felt good, who was next?
“Hey you, Camille!" I yelled over the table dividing us. “You are interested in physical therapy now, right?”
“I guess,” she said hesitantly.
“Well, I’m writing down three schools for you to call this week,” I said confidently. Yes, high five, another one, fixed!
I plowed through three more kids like that and firmly believed I had fixed them all. I was on a role. “Why hadn’t I thought of this before?” I wondered to myself. “Boy, these kids really need me, what would they do without me?” I smiled to myself as I feverishly wrote down my prize-winning recommendations for each and every lucky kid that day.
They all seemed to be looking strangely at me as if I had been withholding information from them. But that didn’t bother me. I knew what these kids needed. They needed to be steered the right way and I was just the resource they had been waiting for to get their college careers on track. “I hope they realize how lucky they are to be placed in my group!” I cooed to myself.
Suddenly, at the far end of my table, I noticed Jordan. “What was he doing here?” I wondered. “I thought he’d been assigned to a different group this year? Plus, he was interested in getting an art degree which was not my area of expertise,”I processed. “I guess I’ll just have to find out for myself,” I mumbled.
“How’s it going?” I yelled over to him. Without saying a word, he just shrugged his shoulders. There seemed to be a kind of vulnerability about him today and it occurred to me that he might not be sitting at my table by accident but for reasons I didn’t quite understand yet. So I decided to pull back a bit on my abruptness and simply fish around:
“Are you still thinking about an art degree?” I asked.
“Nah, not really,” he replied.
“How about journalism? I know you showed some interest in that last year,” I followed up.
“Nah, that just seems like a lot of work and pretty hopeless in this kind of media environment,” he smirked.
Aware of his defensiveness, I realized there might be something else going on here. Since he was at my table and obviously wanting something, I decided to stop trying to figure him out and follow my instincts instead. As I remembered from last year, Jordan could talk non-stop about cooking so I decided to go with that for starters:
“What have you been cooking lately?” I joked.
And that’s when it happened. The smile that used to spread from ear to ear was back. The flood gates burst open and Jordan was no longer giving the cold shoulder but bursting with energy. “Well, I’ve been working on this rice dish. I just love cooking with rice. Give me rice and some herbs and that’s all I need to make a tasty dish!” he exclaimed.
Suddenly, the blood rushed back to his face. His exuberance was palpable. Everyone at the table settled down and looked over at him. His enthusiasm was contagious and we all wanted in on it!
“Wow, Jordan, you sure seem to like cooking!” I mused.
“Yeah, I do! I mean, I’ve loved it all my life. I could do it all day long,” he gushed.
“Well, maybe you could take a year and try culinary school to see if you like it?” I said.
Hesitantly, he mumbled, “I’ve been thinking about it but...”
“But what? You obviously love it,” I replied.
“Thanks,” he smiled.
And that’s all it took. No flashy ideas or infinite wisdom. Just posing a simple question to a complex boy at a time of his choosing. It was both humbling and incredibly graceful to watch. I wish I could get out of my own way more often instead of wasting precious energy on “doing” things for others rather than “being” things for others. Besides, if allowing Jordan space to observe and experience that which he was ready to unfold for himself was all I did all week, than it would be well worth it! I’m sure that %99 percent of the “fixing” I did with the other kids that day most likely went in one ear and out the other. As it should so why even bother!

Who Do You Say I Am?

When I put my daughters in a Christian-based pre-school at the ages of three, never did I imagine that they were going to lose their personal experience of God. Maybe I was naive or maybe just hopeful that their faith would be solidified in such a place. Hardly so. Within two years, their image of God as “flute” was replaced by the common, age-old, impersonal image of the “old man in the sky”. “How did this happen?”, I wondered and “when?” I guess it happened so quickly that I didn’t even notice.
Uncanny, the same church which houses this pre-school, adorns a large wall with a wondrous painting that depicts a question Jesus, himself, asked his disciples a long time ago. It resides at the top of a long staircase and greets with a foggy image of two eyes accompanied by a caption at the bottom, Luke 9:20, that reads: “Who do you say I am?” Now, there is nothing old looking about the eyes that stare out of this painting, nor a trace of grey hair. In fact, the eyes are both piercing and welcoming at the same time. They seem to be opening a door for the weary traveler to consider, perhaps a kind of mystery to embark upon? Unlike the Eastern Orthodox icons, there is no preconceived notion that this is Jesus or Christ or anyone that you might recognize from the traditional biblical stories. Just a pair of eyes lying in a misty fog, making no assumptions or claims, yet striking directly to one’s core.
“Maybe these Lutherans aren’t as impersonal about God as I thought?”, I wondered. Maybe they aren’t as tainted by the old man in the sky image after all? Maybe they do want to get personal with God but just don’t know how? Whatever the reasoning behind displaying such a mysterious image in such a prominent place, it makes me hopeful about the church. Hopeful that the church isn’t completely hyper-focused on programming, policy-making, church growth/development and even Bible study that it no longer “wonders” about anything anymore. The same wondering that my children lost when confronted by the old man in the sky image seems to be alive and well when I see such a painting hanging in such a place. A place that is supposed to be a vehicle for God’s creative mystery on earth, yet seems to have lost it’s way and more interested in clinging on to material world assurances.
Now that my children are confirmation age and have to decide for themselves whether a church is the right place for them to profess their faith in God, I can’t help but hope that they too will not lose hope in the church. Yes it has “control issues,” and yes Jesus’ question to his disciples is usually covered up with rote affirmations and dogma but once in while a connection to God is actually made in church. Whether it’s during Communion, a particular scripture reading or during coffee hour, God does seem to break through all the muck and make appearances in church too. And maybe that is all I can hope for when it comes to my kids living out their faith. To always look for God in all situations and in all places. Whether it’s in nature, sports, art, friends, family and even the church, God doesn’t seem to discriminate. I believe God mostly just asks for an open heart and mind and to honor an active imagination. Now that is something my kids most likely already knew upon entering pre-school!

Permission to not "Fake" a Happy Thanksgiving!

ERIC CANTONA "KILL THE BANKS" (A MUST SEE)!

Holistic Psychiatrist in Northfield, MN

12/19/10: Articles for Parents This Week

12/19/10: Articles for Parents This Week

Spiritual Directors International Announcements | Charter for Compassion--One Year Anniversary

Spiritual Directors International Announcements | Charter for Compassion--One Year Anniversary

Spiritual Direction Group Starting in South Minneapolis

NEED 2-3 ADDITIONAL WOMEN FOR A SPIRITUAL DIRECTION GROUP STARTING IN S. MINNEAPOLIS.
The small group will meet once per month on Mondays, Wednesdays or Fridays during the day. Exact dates/times yet to be determined.
Prayerful Listening in Community: An Introduction to Group Spiritual Direction
will serve as an introduction to the group spiritual direction practice. Participants learn about group spiritual direction through a presentation, handouts, and briefly experiencing it. The group is led by Vera Snow, a certified spiritual director, trained in group spiritual direction. For those who want to continue, the group will meet monthly for approximately six months.
Group meetings are generally two hours in length. The cost of the initial meeting is $25 per participant. Subsequent meetings are generally $35 per participant.

How would you introduce Christ to a room full of people???comedian Steve...

The Chiropractic Face of God

    I first went to see Dr. P. because I had a pain in my leg, now I go to him because he helps me pay attention to what my body says and needs.  Let me explain. 
    My initial chiropractic evaluation was a bit unsettling with all that cracking, especially around the neck.  For some people, the neck cracking alone would be enough to make them run for the exit, but for me, the most unsettling part was Dr. P.’s comments about birth trauma and emotional blockages in my first chakra.   I guess, “unsettling” is not exactly the right word, it had more to do with “affirming” that which I somehow already knew.  I found it remarkable that Dr. P. was able to interpret my body’s voice without me ever saying a word.  I found this extraordinary on so many levels because my body and I haven’t had much of a connection for a very long time and this guy was going to facilitate the discussion. In retrospect,  Dr. P. was re-introducing me to an old friend which was more than enough to keep me coming back.
    At one point during the first visit, Dr. P. asked me about my “willingness” to heal.  After a minute or two, I realized this wasn’t the best of news because he said it in a way that made me think we had a long road ahead.  At the same time, however, I also realized that if anyone was willing, it was me!  I had been on a spiritual quest since I turned twenty and now at 43, it was definitely time to consolidate all that I’ve learned by grounding myself within this body of mine.  With this in mind, I answered with an emphatic, “Hell yes!”
    After more than a year with Dr. P., I’ve come to appreciate the wealth of wisdom stored within my body.  The way it moves, stirs and remembers everything I’ve ever been through without making a sound.  Dr. P., understands this quiet rhythm and reveres to it’s power and strength.  He listens and chooses his words wisely.  In fact, he mostly asks questions while listening to the body’s responses.  Sometimes, getting ahead of myself, I jump to conclusions or ask for advice, but Dr. P. never seems to dishonor his place within the context of the body and only replies to that which I am fully ready to hear.  Extremely gentle, never without the body’s permission, Dr. P. continues to facilitate my overall healing and well being.
    I find this to be in tandem with my own experiences of God.  Gentle, mindful and unobtrusive, God respects my willingness to heal and approaches it with loving kindness.  Even if I jump ahead, which I tend to do on a regular basis, God continues to hold me close and allows me plenty of time to catch my breath.  Not unlike, Dr. P., who whispers “I gotcha” before cracking the next vertebrae or muscle checking for herbal supplements.  I find, it’s all about the flow and moving gracefully through it.  What a gracious and amazing way to heal!

Tending to Your Spirituality

The spiritual direction group at BMPC has been practicing the discipline of paying attention and let's just say, the Spirit has been very busy with this bunch! The Spirit has done some amazing things both individually and collectively within this group. Rarely do we leave our time together without being touched or changed in some way. This is a committed, respectful group of individuals who are ready and willing to pay attention to what God is already doing in their lives and integrating what they learn into their everyday lives.
We meet once per month, in the evening, for two hours. We begin with prayer and a “check-in” followed by a guided meditation. We then share what we notice during the meditation and respond to God's invitation. Each one of us usually leaves with a next step to try before the next session. Right now, we are being guided to seek more deeply the meaning of having a human body. One of the questions we have been discerning together as a group entails the image of a house. What kind of house are you?, we ask each other. Are you a big, fancy, shiny new construction on the outside but lacking a solid foundation? Or perhaps, you describe yourself as a house in desperate need of a Spring cleaning or some shiny new windows to invite new insights and perspectives?

Whatever the case, God continues to shape and mold each one of us in this group in a way we could never have imagined on our own. And hopefully, our pilgrimage is bringing us closer and closer to the cross, working with God in tandem rather than isolated and alone.

So why all this naval gazing when there are so many fires in the world to put out? Because we are human, that's why! Just like person(ality) and sexu(ality) make us unique, so does our spiritu(ality). How God connects to one person may be very different from how God connects to another person, making it quite personal. Therefore, one kind of spirituality fits all does not an effective individual or firefighter, for that matter, make. If putting out fires is important to you (and boy are there a lot of fires in our world today), how do you know where to start? Perhaps, you don't start at all because it's too overwhelming or you're immobilized with anxiety or guilt for not trying? Or maybe, you start doing something about a particular fire but lose steam because you aren’t making any measurable progress?

This is where spirituality may be of help because it's about paying attention to your personal road map instead of the panic that surrounds you. So much to do, so little time, not the most affective way to live! It's about listening to your unique experience of life and noticing God’s presence within that context. Besides, what do you have to lose? Those fires aren't going anywhere! There's a saying, "too many cooks in the kitchen", so what if you allowed God to be the master chef and yourself the sous-chef? Perhaps, life would flow more smoothly that way? Plus with all those fires out there, wouldn't it be nice to take some time to discern what your actual role may be instead of anxiously grabbing for the nearest fire extinguisher? Anyway, something to ponder.

Pea Soup

Split Pea Soup
by Greg Snow

2 lbs split green peas

4 ham shanks (make certain they are smoked)

1 huge onion

2 cups celery with leaves

1 cup carrots

6 cloves garlic

2 bay leaves

1 tablespoon sugar

1 teaspoon cayenne pepper

salt to taste

Shank vs. Hock

I love soup and soup loves me right back, but there's a schism out in the culinary world that we must address before we continue. That of course is the use of smoked pork joints. If you're making baked beans, ham hocks are the best thing since the first shabbos goy tackled a pig, and ate it. But if you need porky, hammy, meaty, yummy-ness to float in your soup, then it's the ham shank you've been searching for all your life.

The night before:

If the bag of split peas that you bought reads, "soak and rinse," then do it for crying out loud. Cover with about 20 cups of water in a big pot or slow cooker. Chuck in the shanks. Simmer for hours and hours, overnight even, but at least 3 hours. The house will smell amazing. Remove from heat and let cool. The peas will be green goo and the shanks will fall apart.

Some people out there instruct us, at this stage, to chill the soup so that the fat will rise to the top and congeal into a white disk which can be removed. Those people are Philestines, but hey, Viva la différence.

Remove the shanks. On a big plate, pull the bones, fat and connective tissue from the purplish, wonder meat. Bare hands are best.

Reheat the pot. Add the meat, vegetables, sugar, cayenne pepper and simmer for 45ish minutes.

I was 30 years old before I heard the term, Roux. However I've been thickening sauces and binding soups forever. Just melt a glob of butter in a sauté pan, sprinkle in a handful of flour, heat and stir until it's smooth and gooey. Then add a ladle of your soup broth and stir some more. Get your soup on a boil and stir in your roux. Thicken to your preference.

Taste often as you season. You're looking for a mixture of salty meat/sweet veggies/spicy broth that I would gauge at 60/30/10 respectively. If you're not tasting, then you're not cooking; you're just irritating your family.

Serve with a crusty sourdough bread and stay hungry, my friends.

The Decline and Fall of the American Empire | MichaelMoore.com

The American Dream that isn't so becoming to anyone anymore...

The Decline and Fall of the American Empire | MichaelMoore.com

Recommended Books for Adult Children of Immigrants

The Namesake by Jhumpa Lahiri
Joy Luck Club by Amy Tan
The Kitchen God's Wife by Amy Tan
My Antonia by Willa Cather
American Chica by Marie Arena
Maus I: A Survivor's Tale: My Father Bleeds History by Art Spiegelman
Maus II: A Survivor's Tale: And Here My Troubles Began by Art Spiegelman

Rolling the Dice on Superman

Last night, I saw Davis Guggenheim's, "Waiting for Superman" in a packed house at the Uptown Theater in Minneapolis. Going into it, I was already warned of it's slant against teacher unions but even so, I was determined to keep an open mind. Working in the urban school system and having middle school children myself, I have to say, I was surprised at what I came away with. I think the director made some valid points but was definitely short-sighted when stressing that bad teachers and teacher unions were the entire problem. Besides, he kept referring to Finland as the the leader in education, yet they are all unionized as well.
The underlying point I came away with from this movie was something I never expected. Whether the director was conscious of it or not, I suddenly realized that our culture is completely and utterly addicted to the rush or high that comes from gambling with each others futures. Let me explain:
The American Dream is based on "making it". Whatever this means, doesn't really matter, what matters is how our culture seems to have internalized this message. In this movie, we have parents literally "rolling the dice" to get into the best charter schools. We have parents gambling with tuitions, not knowing if they can actually make the next payment, just hoping against the odds that things will work out. We have parents taking their vulnerable children to lottery drawings for charter schools, only to have their little faces fill up with tears when the lottery ball (much like the one used in Bingo parlors) doesn't roll in their favor. Distressed and upset, the children that didn't win this particular crap shoot have no idea what just happened, just that they lost to the big roulette wheel in the sky and are now forever cast as losers. Probably a feeling that will continue to motivate them further and further into the dismal world of a betting culture. This "black and white" thinking is actually extremely prevalent in our culture that continues to dangle the carrot of "what could be" if only the decks were stacked in our favor. Just look at Wall Street these days! This "black and white" thinking is also prevalent in the culture of addiction which breeds no responsibility or accountability. Of course, the biggest piece that a culture based on addiction breeds is the absolute commitment to fear. During the movie, they show the teacher's union sitting in silence when asked to vote on a resolution that might mess with the one solid thing in their lives, a steady paycheck. The one thing every human being strives for, yet in our culture, is somehow supposed to be ashamed of. The teachers were literally stuck to their seats, immobilized with fear. Wondering why anyone would ask them to give up on a steady, realistic future. A paycheck that isn't tied to rolling the dice on their futures or their children's future. A paycheck that is more than just an income but a state of mind. Now, I ask you, why would anyone want to give that up? Perhaps, this is the underlying point of our education system. Perhaps, this culture that is addicted to gambling and fear could take a closer look at the first step of the Twelve Step program: We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable and start from there.
What if the education system and it's tangled web is simply a system that is holding on for dear life in a culture that asks you to dream big, grow and prosper yet so willing to rip the carpet from under you in lieu of a "winning hand" or a lucky roll of the dice. I believe you can't have both. You can't expect a culture to flourish and prosper if their is no safety net or solid foundation to land upon. In fact, a culture that asks you to bet it all, all the time, is asking you to do something that goes against human nature. So maybe it's time to look at our education system as a reflection of a much bigger problem and finally admit to ourselves that rolling the dice on dreams should no longer replace the basic human need for safety and security.